his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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