im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
