He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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