I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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