You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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