so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
