you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
