grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
