on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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