god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
