I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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