Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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