it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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