You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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