Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
