Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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