I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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