Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
