Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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