Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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