Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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