I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
