we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
