HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
