I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
