we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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