When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She bit a glass in half.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
