A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Pappa wants mamma naked
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He did a backflip because drugs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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