i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You took a bar mat shot.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
