now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
