..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
