sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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