I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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