I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
