I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
