They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
