All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
