i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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