My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
