I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
