Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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