I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
