So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
