Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
