God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
