Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
