Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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