I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
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As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
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I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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