she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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