Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
