I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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