I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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