Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
