he wants to bone in the snuggie
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
