so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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