Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
