The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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