she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
